Incognito Nodes
Our servers won't show up in polite directories. Perfect for the projects you whispered about.
Ridiculously useful features (maybe)
We pack your server with questionable, surprising extras. Hover a tile. Don't ask questions.
Unofficial Partnerships
We "partner" with data centers — sometimes politely, sometimes after dark. Latency varies with the moon.
Dramatic Burst CPU
Burst CPU available — when we feel like it. We allocate extra cores during high drama and weekend parties.
Modular Confusion
Plug-in modules for things you didn't know you needed. Installation instructions: mysterious.
Semi-Secure Backups
Backups occur occasionally. We store them in a secure place, often labeled "definitely-not-logs".
Fire-and-Forget Monitoring
We monitor things... and occasionally send a smoke signal if something very dramatic happens.